Living Honest
So Jon often says these profound things in passing conversations - and sometimes I'm smart enough to jot them down afterward. Here's one from a few days ago that I thought you might benefit from:
Living honest. For some people, they think that means, “Let me tell you what I think.” That’s not what it is. Living honest is, “I’m gonna show you who I am.” - Jon Ramsay, 3 days after brain surgery. The moment he chose to "Live Out Loud" and be "OK" with posting pictures and thoughts about his journey.
Over the past 11 days, Jon and I have had some amazing conversations about life, God, faith, trust, surrender, fear... When I say that Jon is doing incredible, it is not because he haphazardly just says, "It's OK." He has wrestled through tough realities. He has processed through his fears and insecurities. He has verbalized that parts of this are embarrassing. He has asked the hard questions. He has also had moments of feeling brave and courageous. But when all is said and done, his bottom line is : I want to live honestly. When Jon said what I quoted above, it was 3 days after his surgery. He was laying in his hospital bed and he just began talking. It was so profound that I grabbed my laptop and just began typing. I didn't ask questions. We didn't dialogue. He just talked. And I wrote. I want to share all that he said throughout different blogs in the future. Because there were so many different themes. So many nuggets of wisdom. Such Truth.
I have received many encouraging emails and comments about our decision to 'Live Out Loud' through this process. Please know that Jon and I do it intentionally and purposefully. It is not without pain and without sacrifice. Yet we believe it yields the greatest reward. And the more we share, the more it becomes habit. Today's honesty comes way easier than last Tuesday's honesty. Jon recently said, "We live life behind a curtain. Facebook (and social media) is really only made for us to open up one side of the curtain and leave the other side closed. The awesome vacations. The beautiful kids. The successful parts. Yet we have pain and junk too. We have failures. The reality is, we all live on BOTH sides of the curtain, yet only want to let people in on the one side. I think to actually live in community and to live honestly, it means we have to open up both sides. And if I believe that, then I have to lead in that and live that out. Even now." And so he gave you, whoever you are reading this, entrance into his journey. The stories. The struggles. The pictures.
Living honestly means showing people who you are. Today. In the midst of your circumstances. The reality is, sharing after-the-fact is so much easier, right? We get to say, "This is what God did. Look what happened!" And the story can have a pretty bow on top. It's much more uncomfortable and potentially embarrassing to share a story with no bow. But having honesty in your story now, when it's not done yet, will allow real community to take place. It lets others in on what they truly can relate to: Real life. What I've learned, is that people want to mourn with you, celebrate with you, pray with you, stand in the gap for you. And it frees others up to be honest with their journey. And allows you to stand in the gap for them.
Our first day here on the 1st floor in the Acute Rehab Unit, one nurse asked where Jon would like to eat. He responded, "Well I'm supposed to eat in the Dining Room, right?" The nurse said yes, but then said, "A lot of people don't like to go in public looking like, well, how they look here. So they opt out of the dining room and eat meals in their room." My heart sank. This Dining Room technically is a public place, but it is reserved only for the Acute Rehab patients and their families. And there are people who still don't feel "safe." As we walked to dinner, I thought of the men and women, sitting behind their closed doors, too afraid to come out and join others. If all they have been shown their whole life was the beautiful side of others, then I can imagine how devastating their brokenness must feel right now. They must feel so lonely. Not good enough. A burden. An embarrassment. Oh how my heart breaks for these people. Friends, let us not be people who perpetuate this type of thinking. By living honest lives, inviting people to peek behind both sides of the curtain, we give others (and ourselves) permission to just be.
Now of course life isn't all brain tumors and face paralysis. It's soccer game victories, grandparent's 90th birthday parties and job promotions. It's everything. The good, the bad, and the real.
I realize this blog is not about me telling anyone what to do. It's not my place. However, if there is one thing I have learned, it is that true community is beautiful. And it's something I hope for everyone to experience. But to get to that place, you may just have to pull back the curtain a little bit. On both sides. And in the words of my beautifully broken husband, "Don't just tell people what you think. Show them who you are."
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*To clarify... a sweet friend asked if I meant this honesty had to be done on Facebook. I am sorry if I communicated that. (and due to lack of time and energy, I'm not going to go back and re-write. ;) But to clarify, living honestly does not mean you have to show everything specifically on Facebook. That was just the current "tricky one" for us because it is so public. And we felt this tension because it is so counter to what Facebook is typically used for. But finding people to live honestly with (face to face, over email, phone, wherever that person is) is really what I hope for us all. We live in Orange County and are surrounded by men and women who don't let anyone "in." The emphasis on "having it all together" is so strong. And yet we all know that no one truly has it all together. But it takes 1 person to say, "Hey, I have this going on." And a million other people go, "Wow, I thought I was the only one." When we live honestly, we realize we are not alone.