I'm So Confused...

Well it turns out brain tumors aren't as glamorous as they sound. Oh wait, you didn't think they sounded glamorous in the first place? Ok. Brain tumors aren't as easy to deal with as they sound. Hmm.. You didn't think they sounded easy to begin with? Gotcha.

I'm a 'glass half full' type of person. I hear "brain tumor" and I think "wow, that's horrible but we'll get through it!" I hear "Jon needs Cyber Knife Radiation" and I think, "Ok, I trust that's the best thing for him and it will work out."

I believe the best.
I hope for the best.

However, I'm finding that some things just aren't that easy. (Duh. I know.) The day after we were told Jon was being signed up for Cyber Knife Radiation, I got a call from a friend saying her relative was the person who would be doing Jon's actual procedure. (like, she already had Jon's name etc..) What are the chances?? Then I get an email from someone who had the same tumor Jon has. And this person really recommends not doing the Cyber Knife, but to do the Gamma Knife. THEN I get an email from an old family friend who had the same tumor as Jon and strongly recommends not doing the Cyber Knife or the Gamma Knife. He did extensive research nationwide and insists the best way to go is to use the method called "Fractionated Stereotactic Radio Surgery."

Each one says they're better than the other. Each one claims to be most successful. The least invasive.
The most precise.

All this to say, WHAT IN THE HECK DO I DO!!??!? I say "I" because Jon is just not in a state to do research, gather info, etc... That's my job as the caretaker and his partner. So I'm researching and praying and researching and praying. And then I present info to him... then go back to researching and praying. Would you join us?? I know. I'm going to get a million and one opinions now. (Yes, we've been encouraged by everyone and their mom to try this vitamin and that oil and this supplement and that therapy and.. and.. and... ) Would you join us in the PRAYER part? Would you pray for CLEAR direction? The deeper I get into this, the more I realize what weight is in these decisions. I mean, there is a TUMOR growing at a rapid rate in my husband's brain. That is just plain crazy. And Radiation is no pretty walk in the park. It effects stuff. Lots of stuff. For potentially lots of years. And Jon has lots of years left. So we don't want to regret a decision, 20 years down the road. We don't want to kill healthy brain cells. We don't want to cause more damage. Yet we must kill the tumor.

Each method is "the best." Each method promises good things. Each method also has a reason why the other methods aren't as good. Shocker.

Bottom line:
Pray for wisdom. Discernment.
We are desperate.